'And some of the females held my banner' (qasida 6:6)

This is the motto for this section, which is either for the women view points or for the things that matter the most for them.

You can find all special expressions in the Glossary. We need your comments to develop this site for you.

Be gentle to Womenfolk

The companions and people of Hadith [AAT] brought us the life of Muhammad [PPBUH]  as an open book. It is easy now for Muslims to abide by and adhere to Islamic teachings regarding their marital lives. If we explored the great teachings of Islam related to women, we would discover what would be of great benefit to us. For Islam recommends the honoring, good treatment, and respect for women like no other religion did.

We find Muhammad [PPBUH] asking all men to be gentle to women, as he says: (be kind to womenfolk, as they are created from a rib, of which the most twisted part is the upper one. So, if you attempted to straighten it out, you shall break it. If you left it as is, it shall still be twisted. Thus, be kind to womenfolk); Agreed upon. Also in another narration of Muslim’s: (women are created from a rib, and shall never be straight. So, try to enjoy them as twisted as they are. Nevertheless, if you try to straighten them out, they shall be broken, and in divorce lies their breakage).

Such ideal prophetic representation of women is deemed to be a wonderful manifesto of their true nature and mood. They are somewhat moody and can not stay all the time on the same track as men want them. They are of different nature, qualities and temperaments. When the prophetic commandments are engraved in the heart of a true believer, he shall exert the proper effort to get along with his wife and be lenient with her. The same goes for wives, who should know that not everything they ask their husbands to do should be innate in them, for they are not likely-minded. Thus, they should try to reach a compromise.

Notice as well, that the most severe way to straighten out a woman is to divorce her. This is referred to in the Qura’n as [retaining with goodness or releasing with kindness] (al-Baqara 2:229). So, there is not any violence allowed. In the speech given by the prophet in the farewell hajj, he did not forget to talk about women. He said: (treat womenfolk with kindness. For, you are in charge of them but you do not own them or have any right to do them any harm, unless they committed something really bad. In that case, you may desert them in beds and beat them in a non-harmful manner. If they obeyed you, you do not have anything else on them. Both of you have rights towards each other. They have to not allow any one detested by you to your bed or invite them to your home. Nevertheless, you have to be kind to them in clothing and feeding).

So, what is meant by non-harmful beating? Muhammad [PPBUH] has beaten his wives with Miswak (a stick, made from a very small branch of an Arak tree, for tooth cleansing). A matter known to scholars as dalliance or reminding beating, through which a husband may remind his wife of her obligations towards him or may try to reconciliate her. The method followed by the Prophet in this regard is the explanation of the holy Qura’n word that recites: [beat them] (al-Nisaa’ 4:34). For Sunna is an interpretation of the Qura’n. As Allah Almighty ordered us, through the Qura’n, to perform our prayers (and perform as-Salat). Yet, we were shown the etiquette and technique of praying by the Prophet [PPBUH]. Hence, it was through Sunna that we came to learn the know-how of praying -kneeling and prostration- how many times we should kneel in each obligatory prayer…etc. So, [beat] in the Qura’n was interpreted by Muhammad [PPBUH] who prohibited men from practicing any sort of violence against women according to Shari'a (Islamic law), as a dalliance beating. The only way prescribed by the Prophet was such lenient non-harmful one. If a wife does not respond to her husband, he has to refer to someone to judge between them both as mentioned in the Qura’n. He may not, by any means, resort to violence, because this may humiliate her, which is absolutely unacceptable by Allah and His messenger. Muhammad [PPBUH] said about women: (only generous men may be kind to them, and only mean men may humiliate them). Moreover, such dalliance beating may only be applied in case they talked or acted really bad.

So, what about good company? Once, there was a righteous woman that was asked about the prophetic hadith that says: (If I were to command any one to prostrate for any other entity other than Allah, I would have commanded wives to prostrate before their husbands). She replied: ‘but Prophet Muhammad [PPBUH] had not commanded any one to do such a thing. Both woman and men had been equally treated by the prophet and was commanded not to prostrate before any other entity, but Allah. They are as well treated equally in regard to rights and duties. Such hadith meant to demonstrate how great are the rights of men over their wives. Therefore, it also means to show how great are the rights of women over their husbands, for it is mentioned in the Qur’an: [And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness] (al-Baqara 2:228). Hence, Allah has treated both genders equally. Nevertheless, Almighty has even prioritized women’s rights over those of men’s. Note that the verse begins with :[and they (women) have...]. However, we should not be asking about the reason behind such special care about women by Allah and His Messenger in Islam, because it is a grant given by Allah to whom he wishes.

The prophetic commandments related to such issue do go further than that. As he said that a kind man to his wife is deemed to be among the finest of the nation. He says (perfect believers are those who are best mannered, and the best of you are the ones who are best to their wives). Narrated by Al-Tirmidhi.

Bahz on the authority of his father and grandfather quoted: “I said, O, messenger of Allah, how should we take pleasure in our wives?" Muhammad [PPBUH] said: (In whatever way you like, but do not frown at or beat them. When you eat, feed them alike and when you buy clothes, bring them alike. Nevertheless, desert them only in their houses.  how could you do otherwise when you have gone in unto each other).

Moreover, Muhammad [PPBUH] showed us that a man shall be rewarded for amusing and entertaining his wife. It is not even considered to be a mere pastime. Ataa’ Ibn Abi Rabah quoted that the Messenger of Allah said: (any thing but, praising and reciting Allah (Dhikr), is deemed to be nonsense and pastime, except for four practices. these practices are: walking between two objectives, taming one’s horse, entertaining one’s family and teaching swimming).

Islam commands husbands to be gentle to their wives, even if they disliked them. In this regard, Allah says: [consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may be that ye hate a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.] (al-Nisaa’ 4:19). In addition, Muhammad [PPBUH] said: (a believer should not dislike a female believer. If he hated any quality of hers, he will find another likeable one) narrated by Muslim.

Umar ibn Al-Khatab told a man that wanted to divorce his wife, because he disliked her: ‘Woe to you! Is it only love, that constitutes and maintains families? What about care, magnanimity, and protection'.

Furthermore, A Muslim should be cheerful on coming to his wife and children. He should also be the first to salute them with the Islamic greeting ordained by Allah almighty. Allah almighty says [if ye enter houses, salute each other, a greeting of blessing and purity as from Allah]. (Annour :61). 

The Prophet [PPBUH] once told Anas [AAT]: (O, my son, when you enter home, salute your family. Hence, the blessings of Allah may prevail in thy home).

Narrated by al-Tirmidhi.

Despite the burdens Muhammad was shouldered with, he had never been taken away from being an ideal husband. He was tolerant, cheerful, kind and amiable. In this context, Aisha [AAT] said: "once, I brought the prophet some food, I told Sawda [AAT] to eat from it. He was sitting between us both. She refused to eat. Then I told her, if you insist on not eating, I would stain your face with it.  But she also refused. I took some of the food and stained her face with it. The Prophet laughed at us when I did that. Then he scooped up some and told her: (stain her face as well). In another narration, He [PPBUH] lowered his legs for Sawda, as to be able to do to me what I did to her. So, she took some and stained my face with it, and the Messenger of Allah [PPBUH] kept laughing at us". Muhammad was so keen to please his wives. Aisha [AAT] said that "once, the prophet was sitting, and he heard some noise. It was an Ethiopian, dancing and people gathered around her. Then, he called me and said (come and watch that). I came, put my cheek on his shoulders and watched what was going on. After a while, he kept saying: (have not you had enough? have not you had enough?), and I replied: No. I did that so as to know how much he cared for me. I even saw him switching his legs" (due to being tired of standing that long).

To be continued,,,

Written by Samia Sa'id

Translated by Noha